realizations

Here in the past few days I've had a few realizations. Yet another thing to be filed under "stuff people told me, but I didn't really appreciate until now."
I have been trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life for a while now. Going back to school had always been a possibility. Now that I have Cole, I just don't see how it will be possible for several reasons. Time is the main thing. How can I work (presumably full-time), go to school, take care of the house and Cole and Justin and me and still have some semblance of sanity? I honestly don't think it's possible.
Also, we're starting to think about saving for Cole's college. Neither Justin nor my parents had a savings for either of us to go to college. I ended up being blessed with a full scholarship and Justin used the GI Bill. But, we have both agreed that we want to try to pay for as much of Cole's college as we can. (If you ask Justin he says "only if he goes to A&M." haha...This coming from the man who, when we first got engaged, told me "you're not going to force A&M on our kids." My, my how time and a few years of brain-washing will change one's tune. But, I digress)...
So, any money that goes towards me furthering my education effectively takes away from us saving for Cole's education. Although, if I am able to get a higher paying job with more education it will allow us to save more. Anyway, the point is all of these things I might not be able to do would normally be disappointing to me. But, for the most part, I'm not. I just want to provide for my child. I have always heard, "once you have kids, you don't matter anymore, you just want to be able to do for them." Yes, it made perfect sense at the time, but now I can fully appreciate it. Even spending $10 on a shirt on sale at Old Navy, I think about the stuff I could be buying for him. I could go spend $100 getting my hair done so I don't feel so dang homely, but that's $100 that could go towards his education. That's another way the motherly guilt comes in. If I do spend money on myself, I feel guilty.
I also think about those kids out there who are doing without. Their parents aren't worried about paying for their college, they're worried about paying for food. Shelter. Medical expenses. Or those kids don't have one or both of their parents. Or they would be better off without their parents because they're drug addicts or abusive. Those kids are worried about surviving. It makes me feel so blessed. I know I am blessed. And I thank God so much for that.
I think God is trying to lead me to help with kids in some capacity. Such as being a counselor of some sort. But, I have such a soft spot for kids like that I don't know if I have the strength to do it. I think those kids need a person like me who cares deeply about their well-being. Someone who would do everything in their power to help them find a better life. But, I just don't know if I could do it on a day-to-day basis. The stress has to be unbelievable. But, it would be a constant reminder to me to always treasure my family.
Ugh...my brain hurts. Could you imagine living in my brain? It's a very crowded place.